I bumped into something wonderful today.There was this article about single-father's day in the Times, about a dad and how he spent the day with his son, and something interesting was that his blog was hyper linked in the end and i got engrossed.
He maintains a wonderful blog.I was amazed,mesmerized and saddened by the blog.I was amazed and mesmerized for the way he writes. He has all his observations about life,his son and people around them.The posts sounded like from a hollywood movie or something.He sounded like those perfect never-lose-temper dad's!!I wondered after reading couple of posts, if this guy was for real!And, yes, saddened for the obvious reason.I liked the way he treated his son, like an adult.Like the boy knew about the loss and facts he has to put up with.
It's truly a dreadful situation to be at.Of having to put up with "my mom" this/that from the other kids.The kind of steel strength he found.I'm sadly getting way too touchy-feely about emotional losses. There's too much of tear's stored inside i suppose, that i end up wetting my eyes for trivial reasons!!
Hmm, i suppose this has ended like a ridiculous post, and its because am a little too moved by that blog.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Monday, June 8, 2009
Remorse...
I have couple of posts about my college. I have written about the glorious college life. But, yeah, sadly, i now realize I was just trying to fool around. I was trying to make my college life also something exciting or something. Trust me.. It wasn't. Not even close to. I didn't have half the crazy fun i had in my school. I was bloody shy about getting noticed by some hypocrites. I was scared if I'd get turned into a laughingstock with something idiotic.I still remember, I had such a disgusting sense of dressing! I even thought the "ashram" look might be cool. YUCK!!! I was bad! OK....I have fooled around a lot. I've done my best to portray myself like an idiot. Been pretty successful at that. what was in my mind? What was i thinking back then?I don't really remember at all.I don't remember what all happened.Its a daze right now.
BUTTTT, talking about my school.It ROCKED! I was someone totally different. I had the style statement WITH my uniform.We were one hell'o'a gang!We got ourselves named for the noise and pranks."HOOLIGANS".And am I proud of it? Yeah, i suppose YES!I did things I enjoyed. I played around like mad! I was never worried if i'll flunk! cuz, i knew i wudnt!! I was never ever scared to death for a test!!!It was a free atmosphere.I along with some friends were in-charge of getting other students evaluated for the final P.Ed practicals!!! And, considering that lever of dedication and interest in sports in school, what-the-heck happened to me in college???I didnt like the crowd that gathered! I didnt like the fact that i had to get up at the wee hours of the mornings to get to the gym and play.Before the BOYS turned up.There was so much line of difference.Like the 2 species are not supposed to exist together!There was always an unnecessary deadline,more often than not, for something terrifically ridiculous. I knew the right things to do in school.Ok, I dont mention anywhere that i aced in studies, but well, i didnt get bad either.I was known as someone's friend in college.Not for myself!
To think about all of it now.I suppose i just hated my college.I think i was way too scared to admit the fact!I thought i didnt want to be among those wannabee's who said it for the heck of it.I now think, they had a reason to dislike it.And if there is anything i want to cherish from my college life, its just the friends i made for life.It never had the crazy lunch breaks, where we stole and ate, its not the pranks we played, invariably every day, its not those decorations we messed up, i never had a day when i was caught bunking by my physics sir and led back to class,i never had prize winning environmental day,i never had one teacher who knew i had that inner fire in me to do something, no one thought i could do it!Be it anything.Even in shooting a ball right in the basket.So many people had that in school.I was so much more free. I had people who kept telling me, no ur not right.I kept having people who had it labeled in their heads that I was an air-head and i never did care about it.Why didnt i care about it??Why did it have to be a failure?
BUTTTT, talking about my school.It ROCKED! I was someone totally different. I had the style statement WITH my uniform.We were one hell'o'a gang!We got ourselves named for the noise and pranks."HOOLIGANS".And am I proud of it? Yeah, i suppose YES!I did things I enjoyed. I played around like mad! I was never worried if i'll flunk! cuz, i knew i wudnt!! I was never ever scared to death for a test!!!It was a free atmosphere.I along with some friends were in-charge of getting other students evaluated for the final P.Ed practicals!!! And, considering that lever of dedication and interest in sports in school, what-the-heck happened to me in college???I didnt like the crowd that gathered! I didnt like the fact that i had to get up at the wee hours of the mornings to get to the gym and play.Before the BOYS turned up.There was so much line of difference.Like the 2 species are not supposed to exist together!There was always an unnecessary deadline,more often than not, for something terrifically ridiculous. I knew the right things to do in school.Ok, I dont mention anywhere that i aced in studies, but well, i didnt get bad either.I was known as someone's friend in college.Not for myself!
To think about all of it now.I suppose i just hated my college.I think i was way too scared to admit the fact!I thought i didnt want to be among those wannabee's who said it for the heck of it.I now think, they had a reason to dislike it.And if there is anything i want to cherish from my college life, its just the friends i made for life.It never had the crazy lunch breaks, where we stole and ate, its not the pranks we played, invariably every day, its not those decorations we messed up, i never had a day when i was caught bunking by my physics sir and led back to class,i never had prize winning environmental day,i never had one teacher who knew i had that inner fire in me to do something, no one thought i could do it!Be it anything.Even in shooting a ball right in the basket.So many people had that in school.I was so much more free. I had people who kept telling me, no ur not right.I kept having people who had it labeled in their heads that I was an air-head and i never did care about it.Why didnt i care about it??Why did it have to be a failure?
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Sad facts...
Im lazing around.The only best thing thats going on in my life.I had once wished for such a situation!It came true. Am glad, but well...I have complaints as too!Why do the best things in life have to be out of reach???Why should they : be in another area of the planet/sky-high expensive/just-not-allowed/convert a human to a fat cow????
WHY? WHY? WHY?
Why is there a negation for most of my desires??I want to be a pro-photographer,my family thinks the opposite.I'm studying things i know i wont ever understand!Why do i have a twisted brain? Why couldn't i see that wonder in coding a JAVA server page?? Why couldn't i see God's Divine intervention when i learnt about electrons moving at lightning speed????(And yes,get curious about it)Why don't i have that inner thirst to learn about an operating system??? Why????
Now,sadly i need to do this, to get rich ;)
Why do i need money...well i know why! I want to shop! I want to travel!I don't want to worry about tomorrow!I want to eat at good places!!!And an inverse again, am on a diet! I shouldn't be eating the fancy things anyway! I'm spending to starve myself! I buy clothes for the heck of it and later don't use them! I made an effort to travel and it ended in food-poisoning!! I wanted to write. I'm but well, nothing worth any mention. It does hurt my ego to say, "its bad".I wanted to be writer and now, am lazy to read.Am addicted to the Internet. Am reading things online anyways :P. At least a critic?? I cant even do that with grace!
Oh, i lack grace too.I wanted to become a magazine editor.Design pages!(Mind u, not java server pages :P).I wanted to write articles.I wanted to do jewellery designing. Yikes! I think am an outcast.
Why do i know lot of people who dream similarly?Why didnt i ever get inspired seeing the others who found joy in designing a servo motor?
WHY? WHY? WHY?
Why is there a negation for most of my desires??I want to be a pro-photographer,my family thinks the opposite.I'm studying things i know i wont ever understand!Why do i have a twisted brain? Why couldn't i see that wonder in coding a JAVA server page?? Why couldn't i see God's Divine intervention when i learnt about electrons moving at lightning speed????(And yes,get curious about it)Why don't i have that inner thirst to learn about an operating system??? Why????
Now,sadly i need to do this, to get rich ;)
Why do i need money...well i know why! I want to shop! I want to travel!I don't want to worry about tomorrow!I want to eat at good places!!!And an inverse again, am on a diet! I shouldn't be eating the fancy things anyway! I'm spending to starve myself! I buy clothes for the heck of it and later don't use them! I made an effort to travel and it ended in food-poisoning!! I wanted to write. I'm but well, nothing worth any mention. It does hurt my ego to say, "its bad".I wanted to be writer and now, am lazy to read.Am addicted to the Internet. Am reading things online anyways :P. At least a critic?? I cant even do that with grace!
Oh, i lack grace too.I wanted to become a magazine editor.Design pages!(Mind u, not java server pages :P).I wanted to write articles.I wanted to do jewellery designing. Yikes! I think am an outcast.
Why do i know lot of people who dream similarly?Why didnt i ever get inspired seeing the others who found joy in designing a servo motor?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)