Forces...WHY? WHAT?WHO?WHEN?

Finally....am got the much awaited treat for myself.Treat of learning the VEDAS.Since long that i wanted to,but the dominating patriarchal society never does allow girls to a part of the VEDA world....anyway for this i owe a BIG THANKS to my college for arranging such a program.Always wanted to know THE ETERNAL LIVING BEING...whats the cosmos?.....what are forces around us? whats it to life that makes all these studying important?why do we feel the way we feel? why have bonds?why have relationships?whats the TRUTH they talk of? whats that ONE knowledge thats got everything?what are thoughts? what are dreams? Who's God?If appearance and personality is nothing then why does it enjoy the royalty its bestowed? Whats pain? Why crave for happiness?Why pray? Why think of money as a source to any and every pleasure in life?If its only pleasure....what is pleasure?? what is it to be Happy? can we always be happy? is there nothing more than that? Is it the ultimate? If we know doing something might leave us unhappy at some point of our life then why do we continue doing it?Why do we cry about the people who parted us and gone to another world? whats after death? is there a heaven or a hell? is it just story?why do we love?whats the detachment they talk of? can we ever do it in practice?whats change? why does EVERYTHING change? why does everyone change? is change inevitable? whats the purpose of life? what am I to do? does my existence make a difference? am i necessary? does it make anything worthwhile? finally WHO AM I?......
So many questions!!!! so much to know about life than just work,make money,enjoy,cook,eat........its nothing very philosophical but things very subtle....things that are not often but always overlooked.Maybe it is necessary.....maybe not for sustainance....the chanting of VEDAS does induce the vibrations....it makes something around...makes me feel like there r things and forces around me.....something like spirits.But with everything positive....makes me energetic and tired all at once...but yes...loooooooooooooong way to go!

AM BAAACCK!

OLLLAAAA!!!!!!.....how've things been!!!sure long that i saw my dashboard....and feels good......feels like lot's expected to unroll.....again its just "expected"...anyway.....i had "some" time for about three weeks away from home....WHEW!!....it was tiring!......tiring because i had "DE-periodicals"......6 subjects.....finally it left us with "please let me finish this.....and i don care wats the end result"......made us go cuckoo.....mugging!!! mugging and more of mugging.....and non-mugging subjects....dunno what to do either!!!!...anyway....it also lead me and aishu to the point where we danced like 2 mad people the night before an exam for a new hindi song...and....Thanks to it..i didnt sleep for a while which gave me some extra time to mug.. ..studies r done with......then...a beautiful outing including attending a wedding!!!! A true re-fresher!!!!Extravagant.....now....should i care about it??? NO!!! cuz am enjoying the royalty!Stay in AC.....(hehehehe...the typical OC'ikku acidum kudikkunna attitude) nice!...then the reception dinner...the dressing up for it....the party as such.......but to think of it....i wonder whats it they get from making all those vegetable gardens..the ice sculptors.....then the amazing stage deco.......definitely AWE!....awe at the extravagance,at how much is spent for a WEDDING!!!!!! makes zero sense.....anyway...the next day being a Sunday after periodicals....was positively the outing day for all Amritaites...so after helping Amma with her journey back home i went to accompany my BUDDIES.......went to CCD......took snaps....got some "allowance" ( for don't ask me what....i just coaxed to get it)....anyway splurged on some cosmetics......(some plastics and chemicals to use on my skin.....and supposedly does something new and...ahem....leaves u beautiful)....and...i believe that for that promise to come true...i need to spend another grand in a spa or something.... well....without caring to do that i still splurged... thought of going for a hindi flick....didnt work out cuz its just released....so....the whole afternoon till 4 left us wondering wat to do next!!!!....roamed about RS puram...in the hot baking sun.......tired beyond the point of exhaustion still walked....did some gift shopping....met up few friends...and headed back..."HOME"...aka hostel........
After that's been the ONAM week!!!! "poo kalam" everywhere....girls in set sari and guys in mudu eerywhere!!!! (except for good old final yr EEE)...but yes....we put up an enormous pookalam....beautiful...(sigh i dont have the snaps to show off)....and..then did an ONAM show.....exclusively mallu.....thiruvathirakali....a group song....(one which 7 of us did)......then was chenda with other percussion.....ended up being a beautiful show......fun!
But what happened after that was.....something that was never thought of...rather dreamed of.....maybe its all in with the mysterious future.....a unfortunate accident.....which lead to the death of "the chendakaran" of the show and injuries for the others in the car.....so quick was everything that it was not fitting in the frames of my consciousness......it simply failed to register....nothing but the previous days show popped in my mind....except when asleep i had that thought over and over again....isnt it scary.....scary that ur world might topple down? to deformed pieces?