The Other Side of the Moon

Sometimes in life we reach a stage where time, nature and everything surrounding us are at our disposal.It is just so much of just the inner self that, we are afraid of the thoughts that come by and it is so overwhelming. We are given the freedom to love or hate or cry or laugh, without an explanation; without a reason. And at this pure moment of nothingness I realized that I did not feel anything, I was just contented being with me. I did not long for my children, I did not long to pamper my grand-children, nor did I wantto go back to the warmth of being with my mother. This freedom inspite of being bound swept me off my feet. Now, I did not "belong" to anyone, I do not have a surname, I was not recognized by a family or my education. I was me. However self-centered it sounds, I'm certain that all of us welcome this freedom just like how I have.

Ten days ago the red vermillion was done and dusted from my forehead, the green bangles broken, and the chain that reminded me of that day stripped off my neck. Any sign of being happy externally snatched from me, without even asking me. A lot of men and women of my age sympathized and told me that I have been deprived of any socio-religious presence henceforth and I might be regarded to be a bad omen. I remained deaf to their false comforts and cry. For, if they did know me, they would have seen my heart and innerself at peace. From as long as I can remember, we have shared a life that I don’t remember how I was as a child. He knew smell of my wrist and the warmth at the root of my hair. I thought I would be devastated ifhe were to leave me, for we have been together like a tree and soil. Now I realize that nature tends to make us understand that we might not really be who we think we are and makes us unbelievably ready for the magnanimous loss. And I looked at him as he left me, feeling sure that nothing could have replaced him even if he were alive, and thought this was nature again; knocking at my door when I was praying for ourhealth and life. Irony.

Things going on for past ten days have been for him. Cooking, cleaning and praying like never before.The house packed was with people, that there were women sleeping in the kitchen. I slept peacefully,feeling him comfort me and making me ready for the next morning. I heard him say in silent whispers,about his promise of never making me lose my strength. And I refuse to fail him. So much confidence, that my little Meenu asked me if I weren't feeling anything at all. I smiled and they feared my sanity. I just knewthat they would understand someday.

Everyone left home late last night. I bathed early this morning, and as I was taking the sari out I noticed  a particular cream and yellow and cream cotton fabric sticking out from the bottom of the rack. I remembered the day he bought this sari and I knew of the particular mango stain which refused to budge. I pulled it outand when I wore it, I remembered the first time. He was looking at my reflection in the mirror as I wasgetting the bindi right and just smiled.

It’s just the stillness of air, the lingering smell of withered flowers and incense sticks and the rains that remains. I did not make the mistake of boiling extra milk or remember to not add sugar in his coffee. I wonder if he really did like his coffee that way, or if he just gave in to my concerns. I sipped my first coffee,with just myself to share. And while this worried me, I noticed something. The last rose we planted together flowered for the first time. I saw it come out of the bud and slowly turn into a flower. As the soft wind caressed my hair I heard him read to me,

"I carry your heart with me; I carry it in my heart

I am never without it

Anywhere I go, you go my dear;

And whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling

I fear no fate, for you are my fate, my sweet

I want no world for beautiful you are my world, my true

And it's you are whatever a moon has always meant

And whatever a sun will always sing is you

Here is the deepest secret nobody knows

Here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

And the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows

Higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide

And this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart; I carry it in my heart."

In a Parallel Universe

I was sitting on a bench, in some park and there was a nice song playing somewhere. Mild winds, warm sunshine, lot of white flowers and children playing in the sand is what I saw. Resting my head I looked up at the sky and saw flight of birds heading somewhere. My head light, clear and without any thoughts. Such a dream like situation. Wait, why was Bechet's Si Tu Voi playing in the park? Speaking of which, am I dreaming? Oh crap, can I not wake up if its a dream. OK there it goes, one by one the park the birds those flowers just turn gray and I realize its my alarm ringing. Why does this happen, why couldn't that have been reality? I need to wake up, but my eye lids refuse to open. "Fine I'll give you five more minutes" I say and just lie there.



Me : Speaking of which, What day is it brain?

Brain : Oh its I think, Wednesday. Uh, wait it couldn't be a Wednesday since you had a dance class last evening so that makes it a Tuesday today. Right, its Tuesday.

Me : Pray tell me you are wrong brain. It cant be just Tuesday, why am I already tired? It feels like a Thursday, when am at the verge of a collapse!

Brain : Sweetheart, I tell you to sleep but you always need to read an extra chapter in that no good book of yours. So, just wake up and gear for that loathsome work you do.

Me : Fine. I'm up or else I will be late for bathing, for getting ready which translates to getting in a crowded bus, which means I know for a fact that my day is going to go bad. Right! eyelid, open up you have no choice!



But, before I could open my eyes, I felt something warm and moist and fuzzy tickle my feet. It feels nice, like someone licking my feet. LICKING MY FEET?! I jump and get up and see a dog on my bed. A DOG?! Am freaked out about dogs, how did it get inside? Oh, but it looks so cute. Its a terrier, all brown and fuzzy, and sticking out its pink tongue. It just runs to me and starts licking my chin, well someone's in love with me. I hold it close and cuddle for a while and think maybe its a runaway, and somehow landed in my room. Yes it is! I see a tag and it says "Button".



Me : Button? That's your name little thing?

Button : Woof Woof!

Me : Right then Button, I need to run now we'll play this evening when I get back. That is if no one claims you by then. And then I'll go check with the guard if you belong to someone in the apartment. Now, stop licking and let me get up.



Right then, so what do I wear. I wore a green yesterday so I cant wear another blue-green. Maybe a white, ah! no I just wore a white last week. So, right its a red day.



Brain : Walk to the cupboard feet

Feet : Its more than 5 steps where is your wardrobe?

Brain : Well, I know it was here last night and anyway what happened to the room. Why does it look so different? So, nice!

Me : OK, stop it both of you. I need to just start up all of you together and shut up these individual noises!

Heart : Good move!



I was looking around the place and saw that I was not sleeping in my house. Well, am I at a sleep over with some friend? Doesn't look like it as I cant see anyone in the house. Anyway whose ever house this is, its very pretty. Its just the way I always imagine my house would be like. Its got red terracotta floors, warm cream walls with nice folk paintings, got lot of indoor plants and in a very nice book shelf in the corner and an antique wooden table beside it. The hall is rather small, but well kept. Its got a soft and fuzzy carpet, a divan and a large lantern hanging in the middle. I just think to myself and wonder, "How on earth did I get here and who owns this place?" There really is no one else, its a one room house and evidently no one sleeping in the divan so its just me and a dog. I need some time and clear up this mess, so maybe its better I ring and tell I'll be a little late but working today. I look around and see a thick book on the table, I walk towards it and see that its a diary. Awesome! Just what I needed to know. I know prying and reading others diaries is not a good idea but I need help now and there is no human around so I'm not technically prying.



So, lets see when was the last entry...flip flip, well! it was a entry made just last evening. Feeling very relieved, I read through the entry and don't get enough information. It was just about the diary keepers regular stuff and things to do list. Flip back and a photo falls down and its a picture of Button and me. When did this happen and what happened to me in the picture? I look much older and quite different. For once I like everything about myself. I look gracefully old. That cant be it, I'm just going to turn twenty-six in two months. I go back to the last entry and see that the date is 11th December,2022 which is ten years from now which means, I’m 35?!



My brain is doing tricks, it cant be 2022. Well, at least if it really is, then the world didn't end like everyone thought in 2012! But that's not my problem here. What happened? Is something like Inception happening to me? Am I in a dreams dream and dreaming all this? Its too complicated and I know my brain cant handle so much of complexity. I need to read the diary to know what exactly is going on. Wait, let me check who's diary is it for first. Flip flip to the front and the name is, ah..well, Kavitha V and that is MY name. So, its my diary and its 2022 and I have a dog and this house? What happened to my ten years if this is reality? Well at least my handwriting has not changed. I take about half an hour to finish the diary and understand that I just got back from Barcelona last month, DAMN! why didn't I wake up on one of the mornings when I was there?! Another interesting thing, apparently I have some pending columns to finish for couple of papers and magazines, which means I'm a columnist and not working for that IT place anymore?! YIPPEE!! Who cares what happened to my ten years, I finally am what I always wanted to be. I check the time and its almost ten in the morning and decide to take a shower. I walk back to the bedroom and start folding the sheets and I feel a resistance while pulling the blanket. I go near and see there's someone inside the blanket. Holding my heart and praying for no more surprises I gently push the blanket away and see a child sleeping, a baby actually. Looks maybe a year or year and a half old.



What more surprises are waiting for me this morning!! It cant be my child, maybe I'm just baby sitting for someone. I need to talk to someone and find out now. I decide to speak to mom and find out, at least I'm sure she knows everything that has happened. And just when I'm about to dial in I get a call from someone named Bling Arjun. Really? BLING Arjun? Sounds like a pimp's name. I pick up the call and I don't get a Hi or a Hello, but just a " Coming in half an hour be ready and get her dressed up too. Don't be late" and the call gets dead. Anyway whatever it is, maybe Bling Arjun must be able to feed me details. I run for my shower, get the baby ready and well, she's a sweet child for she doesn't fuss while bathing or getting dressed and giggles a lot. I was just zipping up the bag and got a call from Bling asking me to run down. I walk out of the gate and see a man waiting on a Bullet. I cant see much of his face because of the helmet and he waves, so I assume am heading in the right direction. I hop in the bike, and I don’t know what to talk or how to start asking him to unveil my life.



Bling: So, how come you came down without having me to wait for another half an hour? We are actually a good one hour early for work. I’d have cuddled a little more with the missus if knew you were already ready!

Me: Err, well I think I believe in punctuality and I cant really keep you waiting because of my lack of time management.

Bling: Your what? Har Har Har!

Me: What’s so funny?

Bling: Nothing, just that you are the last person on earth who I thought I’d hear talking about being punctual. You almost missed your flight for the board meeting last week.

Me: I did?

Bling: Yeah, be sarcastic but thanks to my cheetah of a bike you made it. Else you would have been busted by Mark!

Me: Mark? Who’s Mark?

Bling: Come on woman, I know he’s too uptight to be in our field and you hate him with all might but at the end of the day he’s the one who decides if your columns run or not. So, drop it.



Right, so here too I hate my boss. I think it’s a curse for all bosses to be hated by their staff.



Me: Bling, what do I do with the baby? I mean I cant take her to work right?

Bling: First of all, quit calling me Bling. You know I hate it and we made a pact about this. I knew I shouldn’t have dressed up in the quirky costume for that party! I should have remembered that evil streak in you. So, this is the last time I’m putting up with that name. Call me Arjun, that’s my name. And for your baby problem, I wasn’t the one who injected the grand plan of adoption into your head. It was all yours, so go figure.

Me: Its my baby? I mean, not mine mine, but technically mine now? Lord! When did this happen?

Bling: Tell me, just what did you smoke up early this morning? Why are you all dazed and sound funny? I know its tough once you settle down with the kid, that’s OK. We’ll drop her at the crèche like we do every morning and head to work. I know you are worried about hygiene and all there, but kids take care of themselves. Just one more month and you can drop her at the baby corner at our building. So don’t worry or go through one of your mood swings.

Me: Yeah I’ll be fine, its just my stupidity working.



So we dropped her at the crèche and got to work. I pass by a cubicle that said Mark, one sight of him and I know he’s beyond just uptight for he just looks at his watch and says, “Mighty early for the day! You leaving early this evening or something?” I stammer and say no and walk past hurriedly. Finally I get to my cubicle and sit down. The desk is cluttered with a lot strips of papers, a large file of my columns, pens and markers all over, and in the corner I see my Shrek doll. Well, its about 12 years old if its 2022 now and I still have him. Ah! I still have that picture of Cobain too tucked behind Shrek. I know for now that its still me and maybe I’m not in a dream. Things like this are too detailed for my brain to dream. Anyway, for now I have to check what work it is that I do and for once I’m excited like in the first day of job. Its my dream job after all.



Turns out for some magazines I get the topic that I need to fill up with, but mostly its my discretion to decide what to write. So whenever there is a topic, I get to travel to the place or do a lot of ground research and then do the writing. I understand that I basically write columns about everyday life, funny things around me, about travels I do, about people I meet, and sometimes interviews as well. But that’s basically magazine work and not an everyday job.My office has about fifteen or twenty people and all work for magazines or newspapers. Essentially we are a bunch of freelancers just not so free. We fit under the company that hosts us as freelancers. Not a bad idea at all. After going through couple of columns I have done earlier I know what is expected of me and hence there are no hassles about writing new ones. While editing one of them Arjun passes by and hands me a photo frame.



Arjun: Here you go. Its finally done and framed. The frame will cost you 1000 rupees and you pay the photographer another 5000. Which is 6000 rupees cash or cheque in favor of Arjun.

Me: Yeah right! Anyway, let me see the thing.



I look and it’s a picture of me, my adopted child and Button sitting on that divan at our hall. The only light is from the lantern up there and serial lights hanging by the window. It captured marvellously. The baby is all bundled up, I think she was more of an infant when this was taken and she’s nestled in my arm and Button is looking at her from the other side, his one arm stroking her feet. Such a pretty moment. I look up at Arjun.



Me: Did you take the picture?

Arjun: I knew this is what I’ll have to hear at the end of all this. This is exactly what the missus asked me too. What’s with you women? Cant you just appreciate a simple yet intelligent hard work? You ask me to picture three of you when the baby was coming home for the first time, and when the picture comes out neat and perfect you ask this to me?

Me: Arjun, I didn’t mean it. But its come out so beautiful. It’s a treasure I must say. Thank you so much!

Arjun: Are you really appreciating me? I mean, I was just gloating for nothing but don’t appreciate me like this. It freaks me. I’m happier when you say yuck to all the pictures I take. Makes me feel more comfortable. And get the cheque done today or pay late-fee.

Me: Blah blah blah! Shoo!



This guy seems wonderful and looks like he’s a good friend of mine. I hate this when I don’t even know how we got to be such good friends. Its OK, if this is not a dream like how I think it might be, then I have plenty of time to figure out.



Day passes by pretty soon, and it’s the same route. We pick up the baby he drops me home and heads to his place. She was sleeping by the time we got home. I put her in bed and go to make myself a cup of tea and sit down at the divan. Button runs up and settles himself on my feet. I take it that this one has a thing for my feet, and its not like I’m complaining. He’s warm and fuzzy and I can feel his pacing heartbeat when he is sitting there.



Me: Button, just what happened. I know I’m in love with everything that has been happening but what happened to the old me? How can I sleep and wake up to be ten years older?



Button just lets go a tiny growl and licks my toe. The tea feels refreshing, and head to the computer to check my mails. As usual, its just a lot of mails from Weightwatchers, Deals and other such garb. I scroll down and see a mail from Naveen. Wait, NAVEEN? I need to check on this one, I suddenly wonder what the rest of the gang are upto?! Tulu, Reshmi, Sarath. What happened to all of them? They all must be as old as what I’m. Provided this is not a dream. I’m still a little unsure about all this, and still apprehensive about the happenings at the back of my mind. Anyway, I brush past all that and open his mail.



Darling,



Whats my little god-daughter doing? I hope you three are rocking the place as ever. Don’t teach her anything yet, leave it all to me ;) Bet she’ll be a wild tigress someday!



About things from my end, its been the same. Just that might be joining KLA as an Analyst at their new branch. I can imagine that look of yours now. And yeah, I’m still not tired about living away from Bangalore. I would still tell you come off to the US, I know this is where you would find you “home”.



Anyway, I hope the little turns out just like you but runs away to stay with her god-father soon.



P.S: Have you thought of a name yet? I cant keep calling her baby/god-daughter all the time!



All my love,

Naveen



Right, so I still haven’t gone to US. I went to Barcelona and god knows where else but not to the US yet. Must be a random black magic. I need to talk to Naveen soon, and mail him to call up or get online right now, and he does call back immediately.



Naveen: What happened? Why did you want me to call right away? Anything wrong?

Me: God! I cant tell you how happy am I to talk to someone I know. Its going all crazy Naveen. I don’t know what is happening.

Naveen: What is she or Button sick? You need someone at your place now?

Me: No nothing is physically wrong with any of us. But something weird happened. I just woke up this morning and I’m at this new house which is apparently mine and I see Button and the baby for the first time. I work for a freelance corp as a columnist! Naveen is this real? I mean, what the hell happened to the job I used to do ten years ago. When did I leave it? What happened to me for ten years? Did I marry? What happened to my parents? Why did I adopt a child?!

Naveen: Ok, stop freaking sit down, be calm and breathe. And before I get to all those is it those baby blues? Has she been really gnawing your head? I know its not easy being a single mom, but it was your choice. You never wanted to marry remember, no man was good enough. I still don’t say that was a bad thing but, don’t crib about it after you have done it all. You’ll do just fine.

Me: Well, she’s not gnawing or anything and been a great child atleast for the past 12 odd hours I’ve been with her. She wasn’t fussy about eating or bathing or anything and has been sleeping ever since we are back home. But seriously can you without questioning me further or asking me to calm, just answer me all those please?

Naveen: Right, I’ll do that love. For firsts, you have been a writer for a while. It was a bumpy road on the initial days but you polished off and came clean. You make a lot of money at this place, now that’s just to cheer you up. You still shop like before, atleast I keep seeing only new clothes on you in every damn picture you send all of us.



The story goes like this, you lost it one day at the previous place and blew up at that manager fellow and didn’t wait to hear anything from him and put down your papers. You were just beginning to take up the columns seriously at that point of time. There were couple of great columns that came back to back but then, suddenly you seemed to have lost it. Maybe around 2014 or something, I remember doing a similar talk to you to cheer up and asking you to write more. That was a low phase, but you came out of it like a perfectly baked cake and you rose to be what you are now. Well, now getting to your marriage. You and I were never the one’s who would have married anyone and stuck to a settled life. We are the wanderers baby. Just that I still do a lot of flings. Button came by 3 years ago from your colleague’s dog that was breeding. Just sometime last year you kept telling about missing something in life and kept having the idea of adopting a child, none of us were supportive for there are just too many things to take care of for a single mom and your hands were full already. Anyway, lil’one came by 6 months ago. You found her at the orphanage near your place at Palghat, you told me that there was a thing that both of you felt when you picked her up for the first time. Like she did come for you and you for her, you both needed each other. I’m very happy that you didn’t listen to any of us and got her to your life. Now Button you and lil’one are one happy family.



Oh and about your parents, they are mostly at Palghat and visit your brother and you sometimes.

Me: Naveen, do you believe me when I say that until last night I was 25 and this morning I woke up to all this?

Naveen: Ah! I know that devil of a brain that you have and hence I believe you babe. And about being 25, your wrong… its “18 till I die”

Me: And, just curious have I still not been to the HRC at Times Square? Has my candle for Lenon not lit yet? I mean, I understood that I have a quite a bit of travel in the work I do so, am just curious.

Naveen: Ha-ha! You haven’t forgotten about the candle at Lenon’s shrine. Anyway, no you still haven’t come here. I never understood why, but yeah not yet.

Me: So, this is no dream and that's despite the fact that I have a dream job, dream home and a dream life. I made past all those things, and am 35.

Naveen: There, almost 36 its your birthday in two months.

Me: Ha-ha yeah, 36.

Naveen: Well, have you thought of a name yet?

Me: I just got her this morning and she was away at the crèche and I at work where was the time?

Naveen: She’s almost one and a half you better get that done.

Me: Hmmm. I’ll call you when I finally make my mind up about her name. Bye for now!

Naveen: Ciao darling!



Right, everything is sorted now. I know what happened to all of us, and am beyond happy that it all turned out this way. I checked the time and its almost 10:00 pm I went to the room wondering what she was upto. She is rolling over back and forth and thinking of waking up, I think her eyelids also have problem just like mine. She’s a cotton ball, all round and pink with large eyes and very little hair. I snuggle beside her feel her much closer than what I have ever and whisper into her ears “I don’t know how all this came together but looking back at all feels like we fit together like pieces of a puzzle. We belong to each other Miya”